Do you agree that divorce is biased against men?
Tuesday, 22 June 2010
Color your hair and move on
The first step is to know who you can count on and who can't. This is when your real friends became noticeable. You need to have people who care to support your grieving and to help you find ways to move on. Most of your so-called friend will say everything will be fun, don't worry. When someone allows your feelings to be written off like that, they are not your friends at all. You will want to make sure that you understand the difference between real friends and people who claim to be your friend.
Once you have found the support and strength to move on, you will feel the need to make some drastic changes. You may want to change the color of your hair or you may just want to change your wardrobe or encourage a change in behavior. You should try things that you never would have gotten to do with your soon to be ex. You should also think about making changes about your appearance that they wouldn't necessarily encourage from you. You will want to do things like change your hair color, change your style of hair, or get an extreme haircut.
If you have never had short hair, you may want to try it. When you cut or when you dye your hair you will find empowerment. You will feel like you have control over yourself and your life. The truth of the matter is that you do have all the control. You have the right to change and you have the right to do whatever it is that you want or find that makes you happy. Before you allow yourself to fall in depression, you may want to start thinking about what has happen, what has changes, and what you would like to do as a result of.
Obviously, there were many factors that made you and your partner to split, but you don't have to be someone that you aren't. Over the years or course of your marriage, you probably gave up a lot. You most likely changed because they encourages you to become exactly what they wanted, but you are no longer in that relationship and you can begin to do the things that you love once again.
Any woman that can go through a divorce and survive it is a very strong person. Some women will collapse and fall into a deep depression. Go out and do everything for yourself. If you have always wanted to be a blonde, give it a shot. If you have ever wanted to cut your hair, go for it. Once you begin to do things that you normally wouldn't do you will find liberation. You will have liberation from all the chains of marriage. You will have the freedom to be yourself and show your new freedom in anyway that you would like.
Divorce makes men feel devastated...
Seb Walker (guardian.co.uk)
Divorce makes men feel devastated, confused, betrayed and even suicidal; while women are more likely to feel relieved, liberated and happy following a split, according to a report published today.
While breaking up will usually make adults feel happier than they were before, divorced men are more prone than women to find solace in drinking. They are also more likely to go back to an old flame, have casual sex or join a dating agency.
Divorced women will give greater focus than men to engaging in "positive" activities such as spending time with friends or family, or seeing a counsellor for therapy. In contrast, men will worry more about finding a new partner and throw themselves into their work as a distraction.
The survey, which questioned 3,515 divorced adults about the impact of their marital break-up, found that nearly three-quarters of those separating more than two years ago were happier now. Splitting up within the last 2 years had left 57% of divorcees happier.
But the most significant trend highlighted by the research was that women are comprehensively shown to handle divorce better than their male partners.
Recent splits had left 23% of men devastated, whereas with women the figure was lower at 20%. Of recently divorced women, 46% said they felt "liberated" at being single; only 37% of the men concurred.
Among the recent divorcees, 7% of men said they were "suicidal", as opposed to just 3% of women.
The report suggested that the figures were the result of women's "greater emotional strength", pointing to differences in coping strategies among both sexes.
Men were more likely to take time off from work (8% versus 6%) as well as being more likely to be unable to work as well as usual (13% versus 10%). More women will spend more of their time with friends (51% versus 38%), while men are more likely to turn to alcohol (33% to 23%) or casual sex (23% versus 12%).
Despite going through greater inner turmoil as the result of a divorce, men are actually more likely than women to remarry first. None of the women respondents had remarried within the first 2 years of a break-up, but 4% of the men had.
Two or more years later, 15% of the men had remarried; for women the figure was just 5%. More of the women were just not interested in a new relationship, preferring to cohabit or just date instead.
The biggest fear among both sexes after a divorce was whether they would have enough to live on, followed by concern about the impact the split might have on their children.
But the most striking aspect of the research, commissioned by Yorkshire Building Society to help design better mortgage products for divorcees, was that men were shown to suffer more emotional trauma than women following a marital break-up.
More than two years after a divorce, 41% of men were still sad about the failure of their marriage; for women the figure was only 33%.
"The differences between men and women's emotional experience of divorce is startling; women simply appear to be stronger than men throughout a break-up and afterwards," said Rachel Court, head of mortgages at Yorkshire Building Society.
A divorced fathers journey...
STILL A DAD: THE DIVORCED FATHER'S JOURNEY by Serge Prengel (Mission Creative Energy, NY, 1999). "Even when there is no physical violence, the adversarial system fosters a climate of all-out war in which the end justifies the means." In the opinion of this men's advocacy group, if you don't get anything else, take this statement home with you. It is something that almost everyone familiar with divorce in America has come to know, but now it's official. You've read it from an expert and an advocate for change. But, Prengel's book is not an angry one. It makes good reading for both men and women. It focuses on one man's journey through the divorce process and into maturity as a father and human being. It is a, "must read", for those interested in the human experience.
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